War on Smart Phone – iPhone Technology and Political Humor

A new version of Apple iPhone will be launched in the earlier part of 2008 with new software allowing iPhone users voting capability on special political issues. The cost of this iPhone will not be changed. (they promise) Each new iPhone that comes with the newly released software version will have a new menu with the most critical political issues listed. This version will still have the great user-friendly touch screen, but it will be still a little sluggish with only EDGE support. The newer version with software fixes included, will also have a new battery that will last at least 8 hours, give or take a few hours.

This pretty device will allow the user to listen to music of their choice will helping Congress and the President of office vote on specified political issues and worldly events. A perfect example of this new technology will allow users to help Senator Craig make up his mind about whether or not he should resign, whether or not he is guilty of using sign language to obtain sex in an airport bathroom, and whether or not he is gay. Each vote will cost the user 1.25 each. GBLT organizations are reportedly lining up outside stores to purchase the new updated iPhone, (which now comes in new rainbow colors), in order to give their assistance promptly to Senator Craig.

In addition to assisting in government decision-making process, a portion of the cost to vote via iPhone will be earmarked for the social security fund. Exactly 50 cents for each text vote will go into a special account that is reserved for retirement and other benefits. The only draw back regarding this is that the government will not see these funds. Ever. The funds will now go to a special account that is can only be controlled and released by each individual user account. More specifics regarding this account will be released at a later date.

The Hillary Clinton for President campaign office thought text voting was a lovely idea, but instead of using iPhone’s new software, they concluded you could do this with any cell phone with texting options and any cell phone user will be able to text Hillary’s campaign headquarters. Her campaign motto is “your text will not be invisible to me”. In fact, the new campaign idea will soon allow Hillary Clinton to make lunch dates with the person who uses the highest amount text votes, the highest amount of text vote fees from one user wins a lunch with Hillary and Bill Clinton. A portion of the text fees will go to contribution for Hillary’s campaign fund, of course.

Security, Security, Security.....
Microsoft plans to compete with Apple iPhone sales new worldly technology by introducing the new software capabilities in use of many new Smart Phones and the newer PDA/phone combinations. The Windows Mobile 6 will come equipped with new software neatly bundled in it that will be used for special security situations. All CIA, FBI and other special security forces will be able to use this new software to communicate amongst each other regarding what they know about security threats.

Instant messaging, in this case would greatly assist agents in expedient response times. Software speed for downloading will allow all 3G, EDGE and Wifi as well as other browsing utilities to obtain the fastest knowledge regarding security without having to go through all the “red tape” or slower downloads. This new software is essential for quick communication in regards to our US security. (Special note: Hackers-R-US approved new security for the Microsoft software to prevent viruses and spy ware attacks to ensure solid software protection).

In addition the regular packaging of most Smart Phone’s/PDA’s and a like, this special security suite packaged with Microsoft’s Mobile 6 software will come complete with an idiot string that can be attached to each security agent so that they will not loose their equipment. Microsoft doesn’t want to take any chances, and will be also including step-by-step directions in large print, reminding the agents that if you can’t figure out how to use the software, calling other agents to alert them is a good “Plan B”. Microsoft will have a specialized support network, so that if your contact list is ever lost, this unique task force called “Rapid Response” will be available at anytime to help provide a new copy of that contact list and other security needs necessary.

More Security Tools.....
It will also come with all the legal database information, spreadsheets and power point presentation software needed to make it easier for security forces to determine what actions can be taken and how, so if they cannot get an immediate answer from above, they can take action they need to directly. All security officials that will use this technology will use specialized password codes. GPS capability will be implemented with air space altitude and longitude graphics as well as “clap on, clap off” or Voice command technology options. We have been told by a source at Microsoft that there have been extensive bidding wars among a variety of service providers and device companies, which was holding up plans to initiate this new technology for our security forces, but our techies at Microsoft have told us that the HTC Advantage X7501 GSM Quadband, may win this war. However, General Petraeus, who has the newer model HTC Advantage stated that the “call” function did not seem to work very well, but sees some improvement and is asking for a newer model that works a little better by July of 2008. He also suggested a sand proof case for the phone.

New on the Border.....
The new Border Control security will be using the new Treo 700W I wx Smart Phone model with the newest technologies and software. Verizon offers this package complete with roaming network techs that can say “Can You Hear Me Now” in 6 different languages, including different dialects of Spanish. These legal and illegal points of entry will be staffed by all of our immigrants from Mexico. Their expertise in knowing all how to spot all vulnerable points of entry will be beneficial. With their expertise, will be sure to stop all unwanted illegal immigrants that will pose a security threat to the US. They will get a bonus percentage for their own fund for health care and other benefits and will be applied for every illegal pass attempt they stop. Auditors will be stationed close to each points of entry equipped with the newest HTC Mogul (PPC-6800) . Including various underground tunnels using the strategy “Build it, and they will come” to ensure good target marketing concepts.

Qaulity Control on China....
The Motorola RAZR was attempting another way of come back. Although not a “Smart Phone” contender, another new technology has surfaced in this competition that will allow all products shipped by China to the US to check for product defect, or other possible hazards. New and better models of the RAZR V3 were to include a chip that can be used by all quality assurance inspections to scan any products for lead, magnets and other potential hazards programmed into the chip. This new technology would have high hopes in preventing all defected Barbie’s and Ken’s from being able to cross into the market place without being completely free from defect. The only problem with this technology was that during testing, the chirping sound for lead would be activated regardless of whether or not it was scanned over a product that contained lead based paint, or not. After further investigations, the RAZR V3 was found to be made in China. Authorities are in the process of testing the paint on the RAZR phone itself to determine if this is the actual problem. Stayed tuned, but for now all cell phone users should be advised not to lick, suck or chew on any cell phone.

Consumer and Government Spending......
Currently, the US consumer is awaiting another competitor to come out with yet another phone that will allow us to download and watch real time government spending. Again, bidding wars for this contract have been on going, but I believe it will be a more simple cell phone device that wins this one. The only concept to this will be that users of the chosen device and carrier will be able to see real time spending, but will not be able to prevent it without calling their Senator or Representative direct. Any cell phone that has good Media capabilities and G3 will be able to provide this information, but Hacker R US and Firefox are said to be joining together on this new marketing initiative.

Capitalism and A Provider of Choice......
The Republican Party has said to be jumping over each other to use this new possible technology to their benefit. Certain members of the Republican party are said to be constructing a bill that would that would charge users of this new cell phone device and software for downloading the “real time government spending”, much like charges for special ring tones, with some of the profits going to the government to cover more monies for government spending. An anonymous spokesman for “Hackers-R-US” commented that although there will be a small fee, currently those fees would be used to cover the cost of providing the information, but would not be for any specific party or any additional government spending. They also suggested that if the Republican Party would like to use phone technologies for whatever purpose, they should contact a cell phone provider of "their choice" to do so.

Apparently, the budget information has been difficult to obtain and feed because no one in the government seemed to know how to obtain the information in the first place. With the help of AARP and their retiree membership, retired Accountants and other skillful grandmothers have been hired to help the government find and track process flow of those monies. Each of the newly hired retirees will be provided with the new cell phone “Jitterbug” free of cost during their assignment. Hackers-R-US International is now rumored of already having this new real time technology in place when the information is ready to be launched, but we were not able to confirm that information at this time.

Bush Get's Caught in Grandmothers Scorn....
It has been leaked to the press that the Bush Administration wanted some of these new Smart Phones and was trying to obtain them, but the newly hired Accountants and staff put a hold on all spending, (with the exception of anything the troops may need), until further notified. President Bush was reportedly caught trying to spend the money anyway, but was stopped abruptly by one of the new budget staff member’s purse hitting him in the head and being heavily scolded.

Sources: Phone Models are real. Most of the software capabilities and name of said software are also real. Most of the hardware technologies are also real. Most of these Smart Phone Models, as well as their capabilities were all researched to reflect my opinion of the best device and software to use for each fictitious, or slightly fictitious situation written about to reveal true and some not true to date capabilities and reviews from my own opinion from that research. Political names, names of other organizations and some of the political references are real. The references of phone technologies used in government and other areas of this blog are believed to be not real at this time. (who knows?) The rest is entertainment and should not be construed as anything else, except for some slightly biased opinionated comments about political budgets, idea’s and security. The use of the name “Hackers-R-US” was not believed to be real at the time this blog was written. iPhone color options do not yet come in all the colors of the rainbow. There is no information on whether there is lead based paint on cell phones made in China. There is no political affiliation with any political party in reference to this post.

Copy write: you may not use this information without allowing me to give you permission. You may not sue me for any reason, and if you try to, I should warn you that I have nothing anyway.